Strangers Waiting
by l0stinl0ve
Summary: The Losers finally have a good, solid lead on Max. Their intel indicates that he's traveling from Europe to New York on a heavily guarded private flight. Luckily, the Losers know how to deal with guards. Too bad the lead was actually a false trail from Max, and instead of the man who ruined their lives, the Losers have just kidnapped Darcy Lewis.
1. Worst Hangover Ever

_New story, again. This is a WIP, and written for a prompt at avengerkink on LJ. _

* * *

"Ugh," Darcy groaned. Her mouth felt dry, and the banging in her head was Hulk Smash! worthy. "Worst hangover, ever."

"Sorry, darling, but you're definitely not hung over." A random voice, one she had never heard before, said from over her shoulder.

Darcy ignored the deep, raspy voice and instead took stock of herself and her surroundings. Dark, but it wasn't because she was blindfolded. No. Her eyes were closed. Opening her eyes, she squinted at the bright light. "Oh, hello there, blank grey wall."

"What-" the voice tried to interrupt.

"Hush, I'm trying to apply what I learned in my lessons here." Darcy twisted her neck, trying to get the crick out and then wiggled her toes. "Okay, feet not tied to my seat." Paying close attention to the feeling going up her legs, to her stomach, and then down her arms, she squeezed her hands into fists. "Hands tied behind the back, typical. Not handcuffed though. No injuries, that's a plus." She smiled, until thinking about why and how she got into where she was.

"Who the hell are you?" A new voice asked. This one was less raspy, but still had the same wear and tear to it.

"Umm, oh. Darcy Lewis. I don't really have a rank or anything. And I'm not comfortable sharing my social security number. That's all you're supposed to share right? I know I'm supposed to give you the bare minimum of information and like, just repeat it over and over. But not even _I_ like my name that much. So let's just pretend that I'm doing that." She had been walking down the tunnel to get on her plane. Maybe next time, she'd take Tony on his offer to use his jet. Poor agents. Well that's what Fury gets for sticking her with baby agents.

"Miss Lewis," the first voice spoke this time.

"No way dude. I do _not_ answer to Miss Lewis. It's Darcy, or Lewis, if that's your fancy. You sound military. Is this a military operation? Cause like, dude, not cool. At least you don't sound like that one asshat always trying to get-"

"Is anyone else here confused?" Another new voice added.

Darcy pauses, happy for the interruption. She almost gave away some vital information that could tie her to Bruce. Yeah, maybe these guys didn't sound like they were Ross, but they could be lackeys or something. She hoped they weren't lackeys, cause that would suck. Nat would never her live it down if she was kidnapped by mere lackeys. "Okay, so there are definitely at least three people here. Are you guys lackeys? Please tell me you're not lackeys."

"What, no, of course we're not lackeys!" The new new voice answered. There was a smack sound that immediately followed.

"Thanks. Hope that didn't hurt. Okay, are we still in London? I don't recall us making the flight. And grey wall over here and the lack of roaring engines means you didn't hijack the plane. Oh, and how long have I been out?" Must not forget to gather as much information as possible. Nat is already going to make fun of her for getting caught in the first place. Mustn't fall further on the totem pole because she messed up the whole hostage thing.

"Lewis, could you please stop talking? We're supposed to be the ones interrogating you."

"Darn!" She rolled her eyes. "And know this, if my hands weren't tied behind my back. I would totally be doing the 'oh shucks' hand thing. What is that even called?"

"You're still not shutting up," the second voice announced, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Obviously. Have you guys never done this before? It's called biding your time. And you guys haven't started monologuing so I'm filling in the silence here." If she keeps rolling her eyes, they're be permanently lodged in the back of her head. Quietly, she muttered, "You're such horrible villains."

"Lewis, why were you assigned a heavy detail just to travel across the Atlantic?" The first voice finally questioned.

"Oh, you're finally interrogating me!" Darcy faked squealing. "I'll only answer if you turn me around or walk over here and obstruct my view of this grey wall. Shit is bland." _Find out who your attackers are._ Maybe she'd recognize them. And wouldn't that be awesome, if she could recognize them.

"I'm sorry, but we can't do that."

"Well, then, I _can't_ answer your question." These guys didn't know stubborn. Darcy was the Goddess of Stubborn - so named by a God, and it totally counted, even if it was just Thor. But Thor was going to petition it the next time he was in court with his father. Granted, he was probably too drunk to realize the offer he was making, but whatever, it still counted.

"Okay, seriously," the third voice, the one that sounded like a joker, "who are you and how is it that you're totally not freaking out right now? You've just been kidnapped from an airport. A pretty girl like you should be freaking out. What if we were sex traffickers?"

"Are you sex traffickers?"

"Well, no."

She rolled her eyes, _again_. "Then I don't see a need for me freaking out."

"This girl has got guts." Darcy allowed herself to preen a little. Sure, deep down, she was sort of freaking out. If everyone was in New York, it would probably take them an hour or two to figure out that she didn't catch her flight, maybe earlier depending on how these guys extracted her. Then, even at the fastest speed, the quinjet would take five hours to get to London. Tony could shave that to four, maybe. Thor would be right behind him. So, she was stuck. And she could let herself panic on the inside, but she'd use what her mother gave her and keep her mouth running, so long as she remained alive. Plus, this was sort of fun. She hoped there was surveillance footage. Nat would get a kick out of it and she is pretty sure Clint would be proud of her.

Hearing feet scuffling, she turned her head to the right and watched as a scruffy man - mid forties, maybe? - in a sharp suit (not on the same level as Coulson, but still sharp) step in front of her.

"There's still some grey wall. You may be big dude, but not big enough."

Chuckles sounded from behind her and then three more men stepped in front of her.

"I'm guessing you're the wisecrack voice?" She pointed - using her chin - at a man who looked a lot like Steve. Granted, Steve would never be caught dead in that neon green shirt. "And you're the second voice. Cool, cool. And Mr. Silent. I like your hat." She really did like the cowboy hat. She had one once. Where it is, she didn't know, but all that mattered was that there was a nice hat, and it was something to focus on. "What does a girl gotta do to get to wear it?"

"We've blocked the grey wall, as you've requested. So now why don't you fulfill your end of the bargain?" The man in the suit countered, spreading his hands as if he had just done a magic trick, which really, he didn't. Darcy had been to Asgard and hung out with Loki that one time. She had seen _real_ magic tricks.

"Technically we never made a bargain. But if you get me that hat, I'll answer as many questions as a level one clearance would allow."

"How do we know you'll be good for it?" Steve-look-alike asked.

"Cause you could just take the hat back? Duh." She rolled her eyes, happy that they could now witness the gesture.

Smirking, she watched as the man in charge signalled for the silent guy to put his hat on her head. Sweet. "I hope you don't have lice."

"No."

"Oh, you speak!" She grinned, wishing she could clap her hands. Instead, she paid attention, listening to the Natasha in her head. _Distract them into giving you free information._ "And you're a sniper, too."

"How can you tell?" The second-voice belonged to the strong looking black guy standing in the back, and he was looking at her like she was crazy. And depending on who was asked, they might've agreed - never mention her name around Fury, it was just a _bad_ idea, especially after this whole fiasco comes to light.

"Well, you just confirmed it for one. Two, the calluses on his fingers are just like my boyfriend's. I saw them when he put the hat on me."

"Okay, seriously, who are you and how do you know all of this stuff?" Steve-look-alike looked like he was about to explode, amusing Darcy greatly.

"Umm, give me a second to think on an answer that works with your clearance level."

"We have unlimited clearance, and for some reason, when I search for 'Darcy Lewis' I get a small file about a twenty-three year old female who just graduated from Culver University with a degree in Political Science. You're absolutely clean, not even a parking ticket. No one is that clean. Especially if they call for a five-man security detail."

"Let me guess, wise guy, you're an intelligence specialist?" _Amateurs_, the Natasha voice went off in Darcy's head, making her smile. These guys were pretty obvious while not really trying.

"How do you know this stuff?" Man in charge asked.

"Can I have your names or something? I'm getting tired of the nicknames I've made up for you in my head." _Diversion is your best tactic. You like to talk. Use that._ Natasha was going to be so proud of her.

"You still haven't told us anything." Guy in the back proclaimed.

"And give the man a prize," Darcy teased. "Okay, let's just say I have really important friends and a boyfriend and four big brother type figures who take my safety very seriously. Oh, and Nat. She's the worse, maybe? Yeah, she's the worse. When they come for me, I suggest you avoid her. Actually, maybe avoid all of them?" Darcy quipped. "Names please? Or some sort of identifier, if you will."

These guys were pretty amusing, she really hoped that Nat didn't kill them. Hurt them, sure. They did deserve that for kidnapping her. But for the most part, this was a lot more fun than a flight across the Atlantic. And at least now, when she goes back to New York, she'd have company to talk to on the flight.

"Fine, I'm Colonel," the man in charge answered. Gesturing at the silent - no longer wearing a hat - guy who was now standing next to the guy in the background, he continued, "These two are Seargeant-"

"Now that won't get confusing," Darcy interrupted. _Let them underestimate you. Use that to your advantage._ Her inner Natasha was _awesome_.

"Deal with it. And he's captain." Colonel pointed towards the funny guy.

She sputtered at that. "Captain? Serious?"

"Why? Don't I look like a captain?"

"Exactly!" Darcy laughed, really wishing her hands were free. Instead, she just curled into herself as much as possible, laughing hysterically. Oh, this was good. It took her several moments to calm down, but when she finally did, there were tears in her eyes. "You think maybe you guys can help a girl out and untie my hands. I'd very much like to wipe the tears from my face. Oh, and get rid of the pins and needles happening in my arms."

"I don't think that would be a good idea," Sergeant Black - Darcy decided on how to distinguish the two - declared.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere. I'm stuck here until my ride gets here. And I may like this hat, but I wouldn't just steal it from Sergeant Silence over there."

"I'll untie your hands after you answer my next question."

"Sure thing, Colonel." She winked. "Oh! With my hands untied I can even salute you. See, there are positives to the untying of the hostage."

Colonel shook his head - probably in exasperation, if Darcy had to guess (she got that _a lot_) - and proceeded to ask his question. "What government agency are you affiliated with?"

"Time for the big leagues, huh?" She responded, trying to bide herself some time.

"You're not going to deny it?" Captain asked, an incredulous look on his face. Huh, the look appeared to be the exact same look Steve would give her whenever she managed to shock him - which was often.

"Why? I want my hands untied and I can answer honestly that I'm not directly affiliated with the government in any way, other than paying my taxes. At least, I think I paid my taxes last year." Darcy pursed her lips, _divert attention_. It was like a mantra, now that she thought about it. "I sent my w-4 to my cousin Edmund, who should have filed it. And I did get a refund check, so I guess that means the IRS got it." She nodded, happy with her train of thought. "Yeah, taxes is my only direct affiliation with the government."

"Bullshit," all four men exclaimed, at varying decibel levels. Surprisingly, the room did not echo.

"I kid you not." And she really didn't. She wasn't lying - at least on the Stark lie-o-meter. Stretching the truth did not a lie make. Or whatever the phrase was that Tony used last week when she called him a liar, liar, pants on fire. "So the rope around my wrists?"

"Not until you tell us the truth," Colonel insisted, pulling out a pocket knife.

"Okay, okay. Fine. While I'm not _directly_ affiliated, my boyfriend sort of is? And those big brothers I was telling you about. I guess they are affiliated to, but they're more like consultants. And I'm pretty sure Nat isn't, but sort of maybe? So I guess it's like Kevin Bacon and I'm affiliated by two or three degrees?"

"You are one weird chick. Hot. But weird," Captain muttered, just loud enough for Darcy to hear, forcing her to hold back a snicker.

"I told you I'd answer your questions to the best of my ability. But I signed some pretty ironclad confidentiality agreements, and I really don't want to get myself locked up. Like, I like you dudes. You guys seem pretty legit, but the people who could very much lock me up for telling you classified information can make Gitmo look like a luxury resort."

The air permeated in silence. Luckily it wasn't stifling, because Darcy was still dressed for a long flight. And airplane cabins get cold.

"Fine," Colonel finally shrugged, cutting the ropes from her hands. He stepped back to wherever he was when she first woke up.

"Thank Thor," Darcy sighed, rubbing her wrists, trying to get the blood flow back.

"Thor?"

Sergeant Silent asked.

"Oh, umm," Darcy sputtered. Damn, she really needed to work on that. "My father's family is Scandinavian. It's a thing."

"Sure..." Captain eyed her warily, which Darcy could respect. She knew she was behaving pretty strange, but if these guys were HYDRA or AIM, she knew she'd have been in worse conditions. Probably being tortured for information. Both organizations would have already known about her, she's sure. How these imbeciles managed to nab her - wrongfully, mind you - Darcy would never know. She was afraid to watch the security footage, not wanting to embarrass herself.

"So, who did you mix me up with?" Darcy stood, raised her hands high above her head and stretched. Turning around, she straddled the chair, so that she could watch the other guys seat themselves around a desk. Captain started fiddling with some machines on the desk, Sergeant Silence sat point, leaning against the furthest corner of the room, keeping his eye on the surroundings. Sergeant Black just sat down next to Colonel.

"What are you talking about?" Colonel asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Well, you clearly didn't mean to kidnap me." She gestured at herself and waved around the room.

"We can't talk about it."

"Fine," she huffed. At least she tried, right? "Hey, what'd you do with my purse?"

"In a random locker in an undisclosed location." Sergeant Black crossed his arms across his chest, challenging her to say something.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Since I'm the wrong person, maybe you can give me a secure line and I can call the boyfriend. Do some damage control for you."

"Why should we do that?" Colonel asked, just as the captain asked her "Why would you do that?"

"Umm, because you guys seem like you've had a pretty rough time. And trust me, when my friends get here, it'll only get worse. I'm trying to help you here."

"What's your boyfriend's name?" Captain asked at the exact time as Sergeant Black scoffed.

"Umm," Darcy tried to think if she was allowed to share his name. It wasn't necessarily classified information. It was just the things he did that no one was supposed to know about - herself included, but of course that never stopped her. "Barton."

"Clint Barton?" Sergeant Silence asked, immediately at attention.

"You know him?" Darcy stood from her seat, knocking the chair over causing a clang to echo through the room.


	2. Miss Independent

Unlike what Tony Stark thought, Nick Fury was a very busy man. Nick was just really good at looking like he wasn't working. But, even if all he was doing was standing in his office (overlooking the bridge through the two-way mirror that most often disregarded - and yes, that included Tony Stark, and Nick was very happy about that - as it was about three-stories above them all), he was still busy. He was busy making plans, countering plans, figuring out how to convince the WSC to leave them be, and many other things.

Needless to say, Nick Fury may not be sitting at his desk filling out reams of paperwork, or in front of computer doing whatever it was some of the techs did, but he was still busy.

So when he heard the knocking from the door leading to his office, he very much wanted to groan. Only three people were aware of his office location, and only one knew that he was actually there at that very moment. Remembering this fact, he managed to control his frustration.

"Enter," he called out, still looking out onto the bridge. Seeing one of the agents playing Galaga, he made a note to reassign the man. Siberia would be too nice of a location; he was thinking someplace hot, dry, and isolated.

"Sir," Agent Hill said, stepping into his inner sanctum.

Turning to speak with her, he paused at the look on her face. Maria Hill was a perfect example of an agent. When her stoic facade broke, (she still managed to keep a calm face, but the strain in her eyes, the purse of her lips proved she was anything but) it never boded well. Nick wasn't looking forward to the news she was about to impart on him.

"We have a situation, Director."

"What sort of situation Assistant Director?"

"Agents Blackwell and Walters have reported in," she reported, shuffling through a folder in her hands.

"That's ahead of schedule."

"Exactly, sir. There was a problem. While en route to the aircraft, they were ambushed by unknown assailants. Miss Lewis was kidnapped while the five agents were incapacitated. There were no casualties."

"Fuck." Nick only swore when the situation necessitated it. Sadly, dealing with the Avengers and those directly associated with them generally necessitated it. "What do we know?"

"At this time, not much, sir. The junior agents are in the process of gathering surveillance footage and we should have that and their sit reps by the end of the hour."

"What's the ETA on informing the team?" He clasped his hands behind his back, trying to avoid looking at his associate. They both were aware of what to expect when this news got out.

"One minute now that I've notified you. The call should be coming directly to your office."

"Ain't that going to be a bitch," he muttered under his breath as the window pinged, grayed out, and Coulson's face appeared before him.

"Good afternoon, sir. Agent Hill said you had something important to share?"

"Phil, assemble the team. Briefing will be at seventeen hundred hours, here."

The agent nodded and the screen flickered before becoming a window once more. And that idiot was still playing Galaga. Nick would have sighed if he was alone, and even then, he probably wouldn't have done it out loud.

"Sir, permission to speak freely?"

"Go ahead, Maria."

"That was cowardly."

Nick smirked, knowing it was true. "I didn't want them to come in guns blazing. At least now they will give us a chance to actually brief them on the situation. Instead of completely disregarding orders and heading straight for London."

"Still cowardly."

* * *

While Nick knew that he was behaving cowardly, he really wasn't. It wasn't that he was afraid. He was never really ever afraid. His list of fears was very short, and none of the Avengers were on that list. Not even the Hulk. Not anymore, at least. Not since he and the Hulk made an understanding. And Nick couldn't forget how that happened. Miss Lewis, the crazy girl that she is, convinced the green giant that Nick was worth listening to on occasion. Apparently a recommendation coming from the insane (and Nick says this with the utmost respect) twenty-something was enough for the Hulk.

And now she was kidnapped, and if the Hulk would blame Nick for it...

Well, okay, put him back on Nick's list of fears.

But the rest of the team. Not at all.

It was more of the headache that was already growing in the front of his brain, than a fear of the people sitting on the other side of the door.

He purposefully waited an extra ten minutes before showing up. Hill would have plenty of time to state the facts, everyone else would air out their grievances, and then he would walk in and assist in planning Miss Lewis' rescue.

Nick wasn't surprised that things didn't go according to plan.

"You!" Several people shouted upon his entrance.

"Yes?" He asked, walking around the table, his jacket billowing (à la Snape, according to Miss Lewis). And ain't that the rub, her random pop culture references had invaded even him. It took a lot of effort for him to keep a reaction off his face when she referred to him as Dread Pirate Roberts. When it was just the two of them, he would sometimes play along. Let her see a quirk of his lips. Surprisingly, Miss Lewis kept his amusement to herself, and that sort of loyalty was something Nick Fury did not take lightly. Granted, only Phil and Maria had an inkling of his thoughts in regards to the young woman. He would like to keep it that way.

"How could you let this happen?!"

"Junior agents, seriously?!"

"Should have forced her to take a jet!"

The headache was coming fast and strong, and Nick wasn't sure how much of this he could take. Yes, he understood how close Miss Lewis was with everyone (himself included, but he would _never_ admit that out loud, especially to the occupants in the room). But, this wasn't the end of the world. There wasn't a possible alien invasion happening. And even then, this shouting and fighting wasn't constituted.

"EXCUSE ME," he raised his voice. Not yelling exactly, as Nick Fury didn't yell. He simply raised his voice. It did it's job and forced the room into silence. With a single steely eye, he glared at each individual. "I understand the importance Miss Lewis has for each of you. I did _not_ let this happen. The Junior agents were _her_ compromise, and have you tried to force her to do anything recently? I was surprised that she hadn't lost the agents earlier."

Everyone except Natasha - who had remained silent the whole time anyone - looked sheepish.

"Now that we're done playing the blame game. Those _junior_ agents should have provided us with sit reps and whatever else they could manage."

"The surveillance of the jetway itself has been tampered with," Hill announced, playing the footage for the room. "As you can see, this is at 19:00 London time, when the flight began boarding. You can see the other passengers, and then at 19:05 Agent Blackwell is entering with his team and Darcy. 19:06, the whole jetway is empty until 19:20 and the team is on the ground."

"So that is fourteen minutes of missing footage," Steve announced, embodying the role of Captain America immediately.

Nick, happy that there was a mission to force the team to focus, paced in the background. He didn't like the idea of Miss Lewis being kidnapped. Out of all the individuals associated with the Avengers Initiative or even SHIELD, she was the largest liability (and Nick would never say this out loud, especially in the vicinity of Miss Lewis, or God Forbid, Natasha). She was dating an Avenger, the assistant to two, the adopted sister of Thor, best friend to the captain, and the self-named protege of the Black Widow. On top of that, there was all the work she did under Dr. Foster and Agent Coulson. She could be wanted for any of the above, and that made the whole situation a lot more complicated.

"If it was AIM or HYDRA, would they have contacted us with demands?" Bruce asks, a little green on the edges. Nick doesn't want to be around should the Other Guy decide the situation needs him (see list of fears), but the scientist was trying to remain calm. _Think Science_ (a mantra that Miss Lewis used to keep Dr. Banner in peace - add Hulk Tamer to the list of reasons she could have been taken).

"Not necessarily. Depends on what they wanted her for," Agent Hill responded, her eyes squinted, deep in thought.

"Do people know her for being associated with us?" Steve asked, standing at the head of the table trying to lead the team.

"They think she's my daughter," Tony sheepishly replied, fiddling with a pen in his hands.

"After the last charity event, the paparazzi drew some false conclusions that neither of them corrected," Bruce clarified at the raised eyebrow of everyone in the room (Nick's included, because that was news to him).

"It is well known that she has assisted Jane in her endeavors," Thor added, barely managing to remain still.

Clint Barton (the one Nick knew to watch out for the most) still hadn't said a word. He remained seated, eyes focused on the far wall. If it wasn't for the vein pulsing in the man's neck, Nick would have thought him unaffected. He was only waiting for the woman's boyfriend to explode and he knew it would happen soon. Clint Barton was an expert on guilt, and as the team tried to come up with reasons, Nick knew the man was thinking it was _his_ fault.

"How were the men found?" Natasha asked, derailing the conversation before her partner could explode. Nick mentally applauded the woman.

"The reports indicate they were tranquilized or otherwise incapacitated. No deaths. There were three clean bullet holes in the window at the end of the hallway."

"Agent Ramirez was at the rear. His report states that when Agents Blackwell and Walters went down. Darcy was also hit. They were then engaged in hand-to-hand combat from behind by three men. They were in civies but built like soldiers, spoke like soldiers, and the like. One of them was referred to as colonel."

"So then HYDRA? AIM doesn't usually have soldiers. Mercenaries, sure, but none that would claim the title of colonel." Steve pointed out, trying to figure out who took his best friend.

"It could also be the army," Bruce cut in in his self-deprecating tone. "If General Ross has caught wind about Darcy's relationship with me or the Hulk. I could see him kidnapping her."

The glare sent to him by the rest of his team was the exact same glare that Nick wished he could get away with sending. This was another reason why Nick considered Miss Lewis an asset. The woman had a knack for voicing exactly what he was thinking, in terms of emotions and attachment.

"When we get Darcy back, I'm telling her you said that." Tony shoves Bruce, emphasizing his point.

"Zoom in the window," Nick said, trying to focus the group once more. "Three perfect shots."

"Based off the surroundings, the shooter must've been across the tarmac." Steve stood next to the display, trying to get a closer look.

"To keep line of sight, the shooter would have been on top of one of the other terminals. That's at least fifteen hundred meters." Clint finally joined in the conversation.

"Am I wrong, but aren't there only a few shooters in the world capable of that distance and accuracy?" Nick asked, because he was genuinely curious.

"There are four, sir. Two, if you take into account whether SHIELD is aware of their whereabouts. And one of them is in this room," Phil explained.

"We have the security footage from the waiting area from right before boarding," Maria called out, taking control of the large screen. "As you can see, there's Darcy." Maria pointed to the young woman with the characteristic white cords connected to her ears sitting next to the _obvious_ junior agents. (Galaga guy was going to have some companions on his assignment to the middle of nowhere. Nick made a note to himself that he needed to review the training regiments of new agents.)

"Well, it was _obvious_ she was someone important," Natasha stated, rolling her eyes.

"Wait, Hill, can you zoom in on the bulky, scruffy man in the tailored suit, no tie, seated three rows back from Darce." Clint stood

"This guy?" Tony, beating Maria to it, pinches the screen and expands it. Nick never forgets that most of SHIELD is run on StarkTECH but he wished Tony Stark didn't take every opportunity to remind him of the fact.

"Fuck," Clint breathed out. He quickly examined the visage and pushed Tony aside, zooming the footage out once more. Glancing at the room in its entirety, he picks another random person from the crowd and zooms in on a bald black man also built like a soldier. "Fuck."

"Care to enlighten us, Agent Barton?" A lead is a lead, and Nick would be happy to get this briefing over with. He had been avoiding a meeting with the WSC and push come to shove, the idiots in charge wouldn't care to learn that they were pushed aside for a civilian.

"Fuck," Clint turned around to face everyone. "It's not HYDRA or AIM. Or anyone really. They're supposed to be dead."

"Who?" Steve asked.

"Franklin Clay and Linwood Porteuous." Tony answered as Clint muttered to himself. "JARVIS ran facial recognition as soon as Barton picked them out."

"Figures," Bruce mumbled, sitting at attention now that a lead was found.

"They died in an op in Bolivia." Clint said, seating himself once more, dropping his head into his hands.

"They are considered enemies of the state. They went against orders. On a search-and-destroy mission, they attempted to call of the attack on a known drug lord." Tony continued stating the facts.

(Why these men had Miss Lewis, Nick had no idea. But if they were alive, and what Stark said was true, then bartering for clemency was possibly on the table. Nick started calculating the possibility of following through (he wouldn't, but he could pretend), if this was the case.)

"Which is bullshit. If they called off the attack, Clay would have had a good reason for it. That man is almost as patriotic as Captain America." Clint argued, finally raising his head.

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, cheeks reddening at the comparison.

"And how do you know these men?" Maria asked.

"I worked an op with them. Cougar, their sniper, was on forced leave after an incident in Afghanistan. I was called in to replace him for a couple missions. Those clean shots fit with his M.O. so I'm pretty sure we found the kidnappers."

"Why would they kidnap Darcy?" Bruce questioned, eying Clint while taking deep breaths.

"The _obvious_ agents painted her a target," Natasha pointed out. "If I was considered an enemy of the state, kidnapping a potential high ranking official that could be used for leverage would be a good play."

It was a testament to Natasha's character that she didn't pause/stutter/falter/anything when Clint and Phil winced at referencing herself as an 'enemy of the state'.

"Touche," Steve nodded, hand on his jaw, tapping on his chin.

"Do we wait for them to make demands?" Thor asked, reminding everyone that he was in the room.

Also a testament to how deeply the man cared for Miss Lewis, (Nick thought) that Asgardian sat in silence, quietly contemplating the state of his friend.

_Miss independent, Miss self-sufficient, Miss keep your distance, Miss unafraid, Miss out of my way, Miss don't let a man interfere, no, Miss on her own, Miss almost grown, Miss never let a man help her off her throne._

"Seriously? That's your ringtone?" Tony asked, eyes wide at the implication of a Kelly Clarkson song coming from Steve's phone.

"That's Darcy's ringtone," he replied. Opening his phone and putting it on speaker, he placed the device on the table. "Darcy?"

"Thank Thor. Someone actually answered," she sneered.


	3. A Beautiful Frienship

"Things just got weird," Darcy exclaimed, staring at the men in a new light. Them knowing Clint could be good or bad. "Do you know him in a good or bad way?" Standing at the ready, she hadn't originally intended on escaping, but she would if she needed to.

"Good," Captain replied while Sergeant Silent said the opposite.

"Well, that was enlightening." She rolled her eyes. And wasn't that just the gesture of the day.

"Good," Colonel responded. Looking towards Sergeant Silent, he continued. "He's just bitter about Barton replacing him on an op."

"Oh, I totally get that," she breathed out. And she did. She was the one who had to sit with whichever Avenger wasn't allowed out on the latest mission. They were all tied for the worst. Tony wouldn't shut up and would explode the lab. Nat would force her into sparring sessions that took Darcy weeks to heal from. Steve went through a month's supply of punching bags and Thor would eat _all_ the pop tarts (including the backup stash that Darcy kept hidden, and the backup-backup stash she had on call from the nearest bodega). Bruce would force her to do yoga with him or worse, _listen to Enya_. And Clint. Clint just liked to be left alone - which meant actually sleeping in the suite that was meant to be her's. So yeah, she totally understood why Sergeant Silent hated on her boyfriend. And sharing that tidbit was adding a tick to the trust column. Deciding that they were more friend than foe, she straddled the chair again. "So that phone call?"

"Wait," Sergeant Black called out. "I want to know more about Barton. He didn't seem the type to have a girl back home, let alone one involved in anything."

"Umm," Darcy bit her lip. "Remember that level one clearance. I don't think I can really tell you-"

"Don't care," Colonel interrupted. "He has a point. If you're really associated with him, our cover is blown."

"Never thought I'd say this, but damn your excellent shooting," Captain said towards Sergeant Silence, causing Darcy to giggle.

"Tell me you guys were smart enough to get rid of the footage of you kidnapping me."

"Most hostages wouldn't want to add to the difficulties of being found," Sergeant Black pointed out. And yeah, he was right, but Darcy had her reasons.

"I'm already embarrassed about being kidnapped. I don't want my friends to witness it." And ain't that the truth. She really wasn't looking forward to the sessions that Nat was going to put her through when they got back to New York. Her body could feel the bruises already blooming and she had to force herself to not think about the sparring awaiting her return home.

"It was choppy, but yeah, they won't see us taking you."

"Sweet." And that was a load off. Her shoulders sagged in relief.

"Were you a mark?" Sergeant Silent asked.

"No?" Why was that always the first question? Seriously, why would anyone want to hire an assassin to kill her? Secondly, was that Clint's M.O. or something? If she wasn't so confident in herself, she'd develop a complex. First Nat, then her. Luckily it was just Nat. And Darcy couldn't blame the man. It was the best decision Clint ever made, in her opinion. And yeah, she was letting that be above him deciding to date her (which was number two) on the best decision scale. She liked Nat. She couldn't imagine not having Nat around. If she wasn't in love with - and don't tell anyone because she hasn't told anyone yet (but Nat probably knew because she _always_ knew) - the man, she'd have left him for Nat a long time ago.

"Aren't you a little young for him?" Colonel questioned.

"You're one to talk," Captain scoffed.

"Yeah, isn't Aisha fifteen years younger than you? Ten at least," Sergeant Black argued.

"Ha!" Darcy pointed at the leader, happy that she could make gestures while talking. Seriously, that was torture. She liked to talk, but she liked to talk with her hands more. "Twelve years. He was on an op and I was around."

"Mark." All four countered.

"What the fuck? Why do people always assume I was the mark?!" She was getting frustrated. Did mark mean something else? Like, was there a secret assassin-spy language that Nat and Clint were holding out on? Knowing she shouldn't cause a scene if she wanted that phone call, she was going to calm herself down. "Fine, whatever. Let's move on."

"I thought Barton died in that op after the one he ran with us?" Captain asked. Darcy wasn't one hundred percent sure what the cover story was for Clint joining SHIELD, but him dying made sense. It was as if Phil died every three years, if the rumors were true. Apparently, other than the Avengers, no one believed that Agent iPod Thief had perished on the helicarrier.

"Are you implying I'm lying about my boyfriend?" Darcy arched a brow. "Cause I thought that ended in high school. And wouldn't come back until the reunion I would be forced to attend in a few years."

"You're weird." The captain was giving her the look Steve gives her. The man is growing a beard, and now Darcy knows what Steve would look like if he ever forgot to shave. Still looks good.

"Eh," she shrugs. "I get that alot."

The room descends into silence. Darcy is contemplating her life. This is the first kidnapping attempt made on her. Everyone always told her it was a possibility, and this is definitely not what she expected. She's done freaking out because these guys seem like generally nice guys. She's pretty sure they were dealt a shit hand, considering how they're dressed (scruffy, clothes from a few years ago). She wonders who these guys were actually after and what that person did to warrant their ire.

"Two things," Darcy finally ended the quiet. "First, can I make that phone call? And second, now that you know more about me, think you can share more about your failed kidnapping?"

"We weren't really kidnapping. Well, we were, but not for your typical reasons," Sergeant Black answered.

"There's typical reasons?" The Captain asked, looking utterly confused.

"Hostage negotiations," Darcy replied, waiting to learn more information.

"Point."

"Yeah, I'm good like that. So, if you weren't going to hold someone hostage. What were you going to do?"

"Revenge." The Colonel's voice reminded Darcy of Natasha's voice before she would leave for missions. It was one hundred percent conviction, full of confidence, and the sort of voice that made Darcy pause before making any jokes.

"What happened?"

"An op went south in Bolivia. Since then we've been 'dead'," the Captain air quoted dead. If the subject wasn't so serious, Darcy would laugh. Steve had taken a while to learn air quotes and how to properly apply them. "He also attempted to blow up the world. He's a very bad man."

"Well, how about this," Darcy thought of the possibilities. If what these guys were saying was true (and she wanted to believe them, she really does), she might be able to use her connections for some good. And really, what was the point of being connected to superheroes if she didn't use it for the better of mankind. "Let me make that call, and maybe I can convince Clint and our friends to help you?"

Once again the room was still. Darcy focused on the Colonel, acknowledging that he was the man to make the final decision. Doing as Natasha taught her, she still paid close attention to the others, who were all giving the Colonel a look. Captain looked like he really wanted to take her up on her offer. Sergeant Black looked sceptical but hopeful. Sergeant Silent looked indifferent.

Eventually, the Colonel nodded. "Fine."

The smiles that grew on the Captain and Sergeant Black's face proved Darcy's theory true. Those two really wanted to get their plan over with. "So, I sort of need my cell phone to make that phone call."

"You could call from here," Captain said.

"Uh, no. If it isn't coming from my number, we'll never get through. And I really don't want to get stuck in automated recording land." She looked sad. Quickly, she rambled in one breath hoping to convince them otherwise, "They always change the override codes and I'm pretty sure its so I never make it through. It'd be just like the pirate to make my life more difficult like that."

"Tech specialist." The Captain looks affronted. "I'm going to work-"

"Okay. Technical mumbo-jumbo. Cool." Darcy rolled her eyes. Great, another Tony Stark. "I won't understand, just work your magic."

"Jeez," the man replied, fiddling with the equipment on the desk. Calling her over, he handed her the keyboard. "Enter the phone number. Area code first."

"Duh." She entered the number for Clint, hoping they weren't in a briefing already. She wasn't sure how long it had been and where the team would be on the rescue, but she could hope. She was a little sad that the call was on speaker, but she'd take what she could.

Ringing fifteen times, it went to voicemail. _Can't get to the phone right now. If you're someone important who is not Darcy, then you should have another means of reaching me. If you're Darcy, I'm sorry I couldn't answer the call. I'll get back to you as soon as I can._

"Have another number?"

"Yeah, let me try Nat." She muttered to herself, trying to recall the numbers. "Oh, also, earlier, when I said I was supposed to give you my social. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be my date of birth. Pretend that's what I said earlier." She nodded to herself, happy with the fix. She really needed to ensure the team had as little to make fun of as possible. "Let's try Nat's phone. It probably won't go through, but it's worth a shot."

_Darcy. Can't talk._

"Is that seriously her voicemail?" Sergeant Black asked.

"I'm the only person who calls her?" Darcy had never actually reached Natasha's voicemail, only calling when she knew Natasha was expecting it. So that was new. She wasn't sure how to feel about that.

"Any other numbers?" Captain took the keyboard, ending the call once more.

"Umm, let me think. I don't usually have to remember phone numbers." Luckily, as a joke, she made sure Steve had an easy to remember phone number. "Do you know the area code to Brooklyn?"

"Google."

"Sweet, then put in the number for AMERICA."

"America?" Colonel asked.

"It was a joke that he never fixed." She thought about that, pursing her lips. "Actually, I don't think he knows about it. That's our secret."

It rang three times and then clicked on. "Darcy?" Steve's voice echoes in the room.

"Thank Thor. Someone actually answered," she sneered.

"Are you okay?" Clint's voice breaks in. Well, she's on speaker apparently. Great. Very public conversation about to happen.

"Yeah, sure, babe." She shrugged. He must've been really worried to be showing this much emotion around everyone. But they must already know who kidnapped her if he's being open over the comm. "Did you get video of the kidnapping?"

"No," Maria answered. So Hill was in charge? Darcy didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. Probably better since if Phil was handling it, she'd really never hear the end of it.

"Based on the agents' reports, you were hit by a tranq at the start of the attack."

"Nice shot Sergeant Silent." Darcy tipped the cowboy hat in the man's direction. "Does that mean I won't have to have extra sparring sessions when I get back?"

"Miss Lewis," a new voice went through the line. _Great, Fury_, Darcy thought.

"Now, now," Darcy snarked because it was what she did best. "Dread Pirate Roberts, what have I said about calling me Miss Lewis. I don't let anyone call me that, and if you do, it'll negate what I've told good old Colonel over-"

"Clay?" Clint interrupted.

"Yes, Barton?" Colonel - whose name was Clay, apparently - hijacked the call.

"I don't know why you got Darcy, but if you hurt her-"

"Hey caveman!" Darcy shouted at her boyfriend, "I'm perfectly fine. I felt hungover earlier, but I guess that's what happens when you get hit by a tranq. Oh, and I don't have my phone. I feel like I did when my iPod was stolen that one time." Darcy doesn't have to imagine Agent iPod Thief's eyes rolling, cause the chuckle leaving Thor's mouth lets her know it's totally happening right then.

"How did you call me then, Darcy?" Steve asked, then whispered - as if that kept everyone else from hearing him. "It played your ringtone."

She laughed for a good minute. Further proof that her life was awesome. If only she was there to see Tony's face when it went off. "Tell me there's video of Tony's face."

"Darcy," Steve used the Captain America tone that made most people cower. Phil couldn't even handle the disappointed coming from Steve when the man used that tone. Luckily, Darcy was immune to her best friend's antics.

Too bad the same couldn't be said for Steve Rogers.

"Oh man, you won't believe this!" She panted excitedly, trying to catch her breath from laughing. "This guy here. He's a tech specialist-"

"Jensen," Clint interrupted again.

"Okay, Jensen, sure. Stop interrupting me babe." Darcy rolled her eyes, but it was nice to get names. "Jensen over here. He's a _captain_." She giggled.

"I don't get why she finds that funny," Jensen muttered.

"Oh," Clint responded.

"I know right!" She slapped her knee, because it really was hilarious. "Steve, you sure those USO girls were careful? Cause you're in for one surprise when you get here."

"What are you talking about?" Both captains questioned, making her laugh harder. She could see the same face that Steve was probably sporting at that exact moment on Jensen's face. She was betting - and hoping, because otherwise there was going to be some pissed off Avengers - that one of Steve's conquests - that Tony did _not_ know nor believe ever happened - wasn't as 'safe' as originally believed. Darcy thought it'd be funny to be able to hangout with your granddad, and do actual fun things. Not that Darcy's own granddad wasn't fun. The man was awesome - she had learned from the best, really. But her granddad was at that age that he couldn't hang like he once could. She thought about taking Jensen along on the next pub crawl she managed to pull Steve on. _They could be each other's wingman!_ She cackled in glee, future plans being made with each breath.

"Don't worry Jensen." She slapped her hand over his mouth. "You'll understand when they get here. When are you getting here?"

"Lewis, the team is heading to the quinjet now." Fury said, his opinion of the situation unknown because his voice was level - normal for the man.

"Sure thing, boss." Signalling to Jensen for the call to end, she smiled at the thought of her friends coming to get her. Yeah, much better than flying with the baby agents. All in all, awesome vacation.

"Are you going to give us more info now?"

"Umm, shit. I should have asked what I was allowed to say. Whatever, you'll meet them when they're here." Biting her lip, she decided it didn't really matter. If she was going to get the team to help these guys out, having some details might help. "If I tell you more, can you give me the details on the guy who screwed you over?"

"Sure," they all respond, nodding.

"Okay, so you know Clint, obviously. He's my boyfriend. And since you guys have been 'dead' you probably don't know about what happened in New York a few months ago."

"What happened?" Sergeant Black asked.

"Can I know your names? Cause it's weird that I know their names." She pointed at Clay and Jensen. "And not your's."

"Call me Pooch and him Cougar."

"I'm wearing Cougar's hat? That sounds awesome." She smiled. "Okay, sweet. Yeah, let's just say that the universe became a whole lot weirder. And because of that Clint became a part of a team that includes Iron Man, Captain America, the Black Widow, and the Hulk."

"Uh, Captain America is fictional." Darcy wasn't going to laugh that it was the Captain America look-a-like pointing that out.

"Like I said, you'll understand when they get here."

They looked sceptical, but whatever. She figured that's how she would react if she hadn't ran over Thor with a van and then tased the big lug. But since she was truly was at the right place at the wrong time, she was used to the weird. These guys would just have to catch up.

"Okay, sure," Jensen answered. She realized that the man was the one talking to her the most. She wondered if those plans she was making earlier would actually come to fruition.

"Hey, are you single? I'm sure this lifestyle doesn't allow for much of a love life."

"Umm, no offense," he replied, sheepishly, "But, you're not really my type."

"Lies," Pooch scoffed.

Sniggering, Darcy couldn't help but smile. "I'm not asking you out. Hello, boyfriend." Rolling her eyes, she punched the man in the arm. And hey, her hand doesn't hurt. This is definitely the start of a beautiful friendship. She could barely fist bump Steve while keeping her knuckles _not_ broken.

"That hasn't ever really stopped him before," Clay chuckled.

"It's Barton," Cougar added, as if that was explanation enough.

Jensen gulped, and the other two men nodded. Apparently it was. Darcy sniggered some more. "I like you guys."

"Thanks?" Pooch replied, while Jensen gave her a look that clearly meant 'of course you do'.

Pulling the hat off her head, she threads her fingers through her hair. She put it back on her head, tilting it to the side a bit, trying to add some swagger. That is, until Cougar gives her a look. Sheepishly, she fixed it. It's his hat, she wouldn't disrespect it like that.

"Okay, I need you guys to get my bag before they get here? And maybe you can brief me on your situation. Who are we after, what do you know about him? All that jazz. It'll help me convince the team when they get here."

Clay gave her a look and signalled for Jensen to pull up something on the computer. "His name is Max."


	4. A Snook is Not a Snooki

**A Snook is not a Snooki**

"So are we going to wait for them here? Or are you guys going to get my stuff so I can shower and change?"

"Cougar and Clay went to get your things," Pooch replied.

"I can lead you to the shower, if you like." Pooch pointed towards the bathroom as Jensen tried to hit on her.

"If that's an invitation to join me, Jensen, I'll remember to tell Clint about it later." Darcy smirked, walking towards the door.

Jensen gulped.

While in the shower, Darcy started to catalog the events of the past day.

She was in London because she finagled some tickets to Mock the Week. Frankie Boyle and Russell Howard had returned for just the one episode, so Darcy was uber excited. And it was ridiculously hilarious and she couldn't wait for the episode to air so she could watch it again with Bruce. Bruce always made the best commentary.

After the taping, she headed back to Heathrow with the baby agents. Blackwell and Ramirez were pretty easy to talk to. They didn't scream jack booted thug like Walters. And if she was staying at London for longer, she would have lost them a lot sooner.

And then she was kidnapped.

She was hit instantly by a tranq, so she couldn't really be blamed for the situation. It was funny now, and yeah, it was kind of funny then. How anyone could mistake her for a CIA operative, she'd never understand. Because seriously, she was dressed in one of sweaters from New Mexico with yoga pants and furry slippers.

Then she woke up tied to a chair. She was glad that her head hurt initially, otherwise she would have probably embarrassed herself. Deep down, she knew she was really lucky. Steve was always telling her how dangerous being associated to the Avengers was. Bruce was especially scared that she would be used against him since she and the Hulk were bros. She didn't even want to think about the guilt Clint was probably feeling.

She knew there were going to be asses to kick when she was finally 'rescued'.

But she could focus on that later. Right now, she needed to figure out how she was going to help this group of men. She could hear them outside the bathroom, talking about their lives before, and it just made her sad.

One of the biggest reasons she and Steve were best friends was their shared stance against bullies.

And this Max dude was such a douche bully Darcy wanted to find the man so she could punch him in the face, tase him, then kick him in the balls. It was the least she could do.

Shaking her head, she shut off the shower. She'd have to play it all by ear.

When Darcy left the bathroom, hair wrapped up on top of her hair, and wearing a trench coat she managed to find. Apparently Clay and Cougar returned while she was busy.

Her jaw dropped at the sight of the Jensen and Pooch changing. A shirtless Jensen was a pretty sight, indeed. It was like watching Steve box, but not so big. His body reminded her of Clint. She missed him. Her mouth quickly shut as the man's abs were covered by a bright pink shirt that said the _Petunias_.

"Do you own any clothes that aren't in bright colors?"

"I'll have you know this is my niece's team. They went seven and one last season."

"They lost to a team called the Marigolds," Clay explained.

"The referee wasn't making the right calls!" Both Pooch and Jensen shouted.

Darcy just raised a brow towards Sergeant Black, surprised that he was just as upset as the joker.

"I had a hundred dollars on the game." He shrugged.

Cougar placed Darcy's backpack on the floor by her feet, tipping his hat when she smiled at him.

"Oh, is that my bag? Sweet, clothes for me." Darcy made grabby hands for her stuff, pulling it with her into the bathroom. Keeping the door open a crack, she listened to the men talk.

"When we get Max we can finally go home."

"Maybe we'll get back in time for your son's first birthday."

"The wife would appreciate that, that's for sure."

"And I can coach Maggie's team and maybe they'll get first place next year."

"Whose Maggie?" Darcy shouted through the door.

"My niece."

Darcy's eyes widened. There was more than just Jensen? He had a sibling? And that sibling had kids? Counting on her fingers, she realized that would make Steve a great-grandpa. Oh, the laughs! She hoped Bruce brought some Science! stuff so they could figure it all out quickly.

"Did you know that cats can make a thousand different sounds and dogs can only make _ten_."

"I thought we said you would never repeat that," Pooch glared at him.

"Why? You can't trust cats. That's just further proof." Darcy called out, walking around the door fully dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and one of her nicer sweaters - it was what she wore to the taping.

"You're both crazy," Pooch shook his head as Jensen exclaimed, raising a hand into the air. "See!"

Darcy stared at the hand, belatedly realizing what the man wanted. Slapping her hand against his, she smiled. "Sorry, I've sort of been avoiding high-fives."

"Seriously? Why?"

"Well, because my friend Steve," Darcy holds back a laugh, "is really strong, and it hurts like a mofo."

"Well, I know I have these guns." Jensen gestured towards his arms, causing both Darcy and Pooch to roll their eyes. "But I highly doubt I'd have hurt you with a high-five."

"You'll understand later," was all she could say to that.

Seeing a couch against the grey wall, she walked towards it. "Did you go furniture shopping while you were out?"

"We pulled it from downstairs. Since we'll be having company," Clay said from his seat at the desk.

"Cool, cool." Darcy pulled the chair from earlier so that she was closer to the couch. Looking at Cougar and Pooch, who were seated on the new piece of furniture, she requested, "So, you should totally entertain me."

"Why?" Clay asked, giving Darcy the look that Agent Coulson probably patented.

"Because it's your fault I'm here and I'm going to be helping you guys out?" Shrugging, she grinned. "Because it would be nice?"

"Want to see some footage from our last op?" Jensen asked, fiddling with the keyboard.

"Sure." She dragged the chair so she sat next to Steve's possible grandson - and wasn't that weird. She couldn't wait to take them out. How many people could say their grandson was their wingman? _It will be glorious!_

The screen fuzzes out and then a window popped open. It's clear that it's pulling from a security feed.

_Three security guards follow Jensen to area in front of the elevators. They are in vests and have guns ready to shoot him, one shouted, "Freeze!" _

_Throwing his arms into the air, Jensen eyed them warily. "Wow. This just got serious." As the men spread to cover all exits, Jensen turned around to stare out the window. Apparently seeing something that Darcy can't see, he stretched his arms out, fingers cocked like a gun. He aimed at the two guards on the outside. "I'm warning you. I'm a lethal killing machine. It was a secret government experiment. They did stuff to me, spooky stuff. Anal stuff." _

Darcy snorted. Cougar and Pooch laugh while Clay shook his head. Jensen's cheeks turn pink, but he just ignored them.

_"Turned me into a dangerous telekinetic. As the ancient Tibetan philosophy states, 'Don't start none... won't be none.' _

_The guard to his right harnessed his gun, pulls out handcuffs and moved in on Jensen. "Telekinetic your way out of this."_

_Jensen raised his right hand, aiming at the man's chest, he 'pulled' the trigger, "Pow" and the guard is shot down. He does the same with the man to his left._

_Two guards down, his fingers levelled at the last man standing. The man raised his hands in surrender._

"That was awesome!"

_Jensen, trying to sound like_ Dirty Harry_ "Face down, or I'll make your hearts stop beating with my mind."_

"Okay, not so awesome."

"And just when I thought you were going to be my new best friend," Jensen pouted.

"She's smart," Pooch smiled. "Being your best friend is a chore. And it already sounds like she has some wild friends. Don't think Barton would appreciate her adding you to that list."

"Tell me more about Max. What's his angle?" Darcy asked, figuring that this was the best time to get more intel. Natasha was going to ask this later, and Darcy wasn't going to show up unprepared. Especially if she intended on asking for help. Having the Black Widow on her side was huge leverage when approaching the Director of SHIELD. Yeah, she had her ways of getting Nick Fury to do what she wanted, but that was between the two of them. She'd have to make the initial request in front of the team, and she'd need to present as much evidence as she could around them.

"He's deep in the CIA."

"Hence your question about my affiliation with the government." She nodded. "Understandable."

"Yeah. But he's not a good CIA agent."

"I've heard they're few and far between," Darcy added. Because it's true. Agent Coulson _hates_ the CIA with a passion. This coming from a man who put up with all of Tony Stark's antics and basically babysitting the Avengers. Clint said that most of the missions that were endorsed by the CIA had a tendency to head south. And Natasha would purse her lips and say nothing. Which could mean anything. But Darcy liked to think the little crinkle in her eye meant she didn't like it.

"Yeah. Well, he had some scientists invent this bomb," Clay explained.

"Snooks," Jensen clarified.

"A snooki?" Darcy gaped.

"No, a snook."

"What the fuck is that?"

"It's a sonic dematerializer. The best way to describe it is like a wormhole. A bomb that sucks up everything within a fixed radius. Max likes to consider it the best thing for a green terrorist. Pure destruction, no pollution." Apparently Jensen was smart. Hacker. Knew and understood technology. Maybe he'd be good for the Captain. At least Darcy would have backup when Tony confused her best friend. It would be funny to send him to ask his grandson to teach him about modern things. The only time she ever got to say something like that was to her own grandparents, and she was the only grandchild around. So she would enjoy siccing the man out of time on his potential grandson. She was pretty sure she could set up a situation using Tony and Clint. It wouldn't be too hard.

"So he framed you guys to pay the scientists who made the snooki?"

"_Snook_. It's called a snook."

"Whatever, both are disgusting. Same thing in my eyes." She waved it away. "So you guys end up stealing one billion dollars cash from the CIA to pay for them." Sneering, she added, "And you were also betrayed by one of your own."

"Yeah. So in Los Angeles we had to choose between preventing the snook from going off, or getting Max."

"And since LA isn't a crater, you let Max go."

"But we know what he looks like now." Jensen grinned.

"Whereas before we only had a name," Pooch added.

"So, I get that the CIA are shady fuckers. But why did this guy try to detonate a bomb on US soil?"

"He tried to pin that on extremists from the Middle East."

"He wants to engineer a global terrorist conflict," Cougar said.

"Thinks that it would restore world order."

"Are all villains idiots? Like, seriously?"

"Your guess is as good as ours."

_You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing, You came out in front and I was hiding, But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together, Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding._

"Really?" Pooch asked, surprised by the song coming from Darcy's phone.

"Whatever." Pulling her phone out of the backpack, she grinned as she answered. "Hi bird brain!"

"Darce," he breathed out. "We're at your location."

"Okay. They're actually not armed. Well, they might be. I don't know. Well, I know that Pooch and Jensen aren't. Unless the guns are in their pants. But definitely not on their upper bodies-"

"WHAT?!" Every man around her shouted.

Shrugging, she stuck her tongue out at the men in the room. "Just come up. Or down. I don't know where we are actually." With that, she hung up. Buff shirtless guys were standing in front of her, just asking to be ogled. Who was she to deny them? The universe understood.

The men walked over to the couch and made themselves comfortable. Cougar pulled Darcy's chair, dragging her along with it, so that she was seated in front of them.

"I resent being used as a shield."

"We're not using you as a shield."

"Yeah, right." She glared at them, preparing to scold them. The door burst open and Clint and Steve are the first through. In minutes, Darcy is being held up in Clint's arms. Blushing, she kisses the tip of his nose and pushes him away slightly. She doesn't stop touching him though, knowing that the man would need extra attention for the next few days. Which was fine by Darcy. "Hi guys," she smiled.

"Can you not go anywhere alone?" Tony asked from the doorway. "You should have taken the jet."

"Eh," she shrugged. Thinking back on it, taking the jet might have been smarter. She could have arrived a lot closer to the time they began filming the show. And then left right after the shoot. "Maybe next time."

"Are you okay?" Bruce questioned, standing next to her now. Clint pushed Darcy in front of him, hands on her shoulders as the doctor examined her for any injuries.

"Bruises," he muttered, drawing Clint's attention to her wrists.

Both men growled.

"Don't you start!" She smacked Clint's hand and poked Bruce. "I could have been a bad guy, they had my hands tied. But the rope was the good kind of rope." Spinning around, she noticed that the four men were all standing at attention, hands hovering over their weapons. Ignoring that, she asked, "Which one of you is into bondage?"

Everyone choked. Darcy realized Bruce was now staring at Jensen, making Darcy internally squeal. "Did you bring the Science! kit?"

"Always."

She eyed Steve and then Jensen, glad that Bruce was a smart cookie. He walked out of the room, more than likely to retrieve the kit. By the end of the day, Darcy was going to rock Steve's world - and not in the way most would think.

"Where's Nat?"

"Oh, this room has a security feed. She's watching the footage."

Gaping, Darcy went through the entire hostage experience and cringed. "Damn. She's going to know about the social security number and birthday mix-up."

"That was like, one minute of hours. I doubt that's going to be what she focuses on," Pooch, being nice, tried to soothe her worries.

"Not necessarily," the redhead said from the doorway. "You talk a lot."

"I did what you told me!" Darcy threw her hands up in the air.

"True. We'll work on learning how to get yourself free for next time."

"There will _not_ be a next time," Clint snapped.

"You never know," Natasha shrugged.

"She has a point." Darcy turned in his arms and pulled him close. Resting her cheek on his shoulder, she took a deep breath. While the whole thing was a lot less scary than what she expected a hostage situation to be, being in Clint's arms was the perfect ending to a potential life-threatening situation.

"Anyone going to explain why there's a man here who could pass as the better looking version of Jensen?" Pooch asked, drawing everyone's attention towards Steve. He was looking at Jensen, eyes wide, while Jensen stared at Captain America in awe.

"Ah. This is why Bruce is getting the Science! kit. Steve, this is Jensen. Jensen, this is my best friend Steve."

"He's. He's-"

"Your grandfather. At least that's what I think," Darcy finished his thought.

"What? No." Jensen shook his head, looking at Darcy like she's crazy. "I was going to say that he's Captain America. What do you mean my grandfather?"

"Darcy," Steve exhaled, looking at Darcy as if she had all the answers. Rocked his world, just as she thought she would.

"I don't know. But it was my first thought."

"You won't know anything until Bruce runs the tests, Captain. So don't overthink things." Natasha walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Kind of too late for that." Steve ran a hand through his hair.

"What?" Jensen asked, glancing at each of the Avengers, finally resting his eyes on Pooch.

"Yeah." The man nodded.

"Really?"

"Seems so."

Darcy didn't understand how the pair conversed with only one word each, but she also had to sit and watch Clint and Natasha have conversations using their eyebrows. She'd just add it as another quirk of her friends. Shrugging, she squeezed Clint's middle, watching him access her captors.

"Colonel," he tipped his chin at Clay. "Care to explain why you apprehended my girlfriend?"

"Bad intel."

"Which we still have to discuss," Pooch turned towards their leader.

"We were told our mark would be attending this same flight. Would have a security detail. It was already too late when we realized that it was a _her_ and not a _him_ that we hit."

"Nice shot, by the way," Clint nodded towards the other sniper.

"Are you guys going to have a pissing contest? Cause, I want his hat if you win."

"Like he'd ever part with that ratty thing," Clint chuckled into Darcy's hair.

"He did!" She leaned back, and smiled.

Just as she responded Bruce returned, carrying a green bag. Darcy was in charge of the bags and green meant Science! Red was first aid. And purple was clothes for Bruce when he de-hulked. She had a color system, and no one understood it, but Darcy defended her system just as much as she defended her iPod, so no one asked.

She watched as Bruce took out swabs and handed one each to Steve and Jensen. Turning towards her new friends, "so where'd you get the bad intel from?"

Jensen bit down on the swab as he cringed. Pooch's face turned feral and Cougar's eyes glinted like how Clint's would before making a killshot.

"Aisha."

* * *

_The ringtone is a song called "Song For You" by Donny Hathaway._

_For this weekend, feel free to send me prompts on my tumblr. There's a link on my profile._


	5. Pub Crawls Can Be Dangerous

**Pub Crawls Can Be Dangerous**

"Who's that?" Darcy asked, palming the arms wrapped around her. It felt good to be in her boyfriend's grasp again.

"Ha!" Cougar, the one who tended to be silent, laughed. Darcy knew that since it was Cougar's gut reaction to sound out at the question of this woman, there was a story to be told here. And it didn't look like Clay wanted to talk.

"Colonel?" Clint's voice tickled her ear, she wanted to stare at Clay as he tried to respond, but she was busy watching Jensen with Steve. The way they looked at each other was quite amusing. She was just waiting for them to start playing the mirror game, one of them raising their hand while their double copied the moves. She figured it would be hilarious, and vowed to make them it happen when she forced them to go out drinking with her.

"She helped us find Max."

"Only that?" Pooch sneered, giving Clay an incredulous look, forcing Darcy to turn her attention to them.

"I'm sensing that Clay is holding something back," Darcy said, glaring at the man.

"I trained you well," Nat said from behind Steve, smirking in her direction. Darcy preened. "Colonel." She nodded in his direction as she moved to stand by Darcy and Clint. "If you intend to have Darcy convince us to help you, we will need all the intel we can get."

"Hey!" Darcy shoved Clint's arms away to face off her mentor. "You are denying me the chance to work on my negotiation skills. I was supposed to talk to you about this _after_."

Clint pulled her back into his arms, reminding Darcy that she was supposed to always keep some part of herself touching him. Rolling her eyes, she twined her fingers with his.

"Aisha is the woman who screwed us over. Almost as bad as Max," Pooch added, bringing everyone's attention back to the subject at hand.

"How so?" Natasha was in interrogation mode. Darcy mentally took notes, knowing that somehow she'd be quizzed on this later. She absolutely did _not_ pay any mind whatsoever to the way Clint's thumb rubbed her palm.

Having finished with the science, the younger Captain came to sit on the couch in front of them. "She tricked _us_ into helping her, while tricking _him_," he gestured towards his leader, "into her bed. Sure, she got us back into the US, but only after putting us back onto Max and the CIA's radar. Before that we were just random expats in Bolivia going on our merry way."

"She gave us faulty information that led us to Miami and then the Port of Los Angeles incident." Pooch said, still glaring at Clay.

"Where you stole the money?" Clint asked, making Darcy think about what the team were doing while on their way to retrieve her. She figured they were probably reading the files for the...

"Hey, as a group, what do I call you?" Darcy asked, pausing the current conversation. "Like them," she gestured to her friends, "are the Avengers. Which is dumb, but whatever, what can you do." Shrugging, she looked at Jensen, figuring his big mouth would be the one to give her something to go with.

Which was true. "The Losers. Clay calls us the Losers and I'm pretty sure the CIA refers to us as such too."

Darcy scrunched her face up in thought. "Hmm, seems apt." With a roll of her hand, she arched her brow at Natasha. "Okay, carry on."

"So she was the bankroll, and we were all good until we realized she didn't really know where Max was. She pretty much framed us into stealing Max's courier drive." Pooch now looked at the two women. Darcy could see the self-loathing on Clay's face and could see where this was going. "Our op in Bolivia. We were sent to take out this drug lord. Clay here shot him before the compound was attacked by air strike."

"He was her father," Clay continued, staring at his hands. "She helped us out in Los Angeles, was with us for a couple personal projects, then disappeared. Touched base with us and gave us our first lead on Max in months. And here we are."

"She knows about our families." Jensen's face looked pained, and Darcy could see that Steve's matched. Pooch looked afraid.

"We'll take care of that," Steve said through gritted teeth. Darcy knew that Steve had a thing about having left everyone behind, being all alone in this century. He had only _just_ found his family, and for them to already be threatened.

"I'm owed some favors." Darcy smirked, held her hand out waiting to be handed a phone.

Natasha gave her _the look_, but handed her phone. "Tell Nick I say hi."

Darcy burst into laughter, still holding Clint's hand, walked away from the group to call Director Eyepatch.

"I knew it!" Tony shouted, wagging his finger at her. Darcy just gave him a raspberry. "I knew he liked you best."

Gesturing at herself, she smiled. "How could he not?"

"She does grow on you," Pooch whispered. Everyone else in the room nodded, because, seriously, it was true.

* * *

Dialing Coulson, she requested him to put her in touch with the Director. He said he'd be on it, and hung up on her. Darcy shrugged, knowing that it would happen in a timely manner.

Which it totally did, as her phone went off, "_Bad to the bone_" playing. She immediately answered, holding the phone up to her ear.

"Eyepatch."

"Must you always call me that or some other nickname pirate related?"

"Well, my only other choices are BDSM related as you wear all that leather. So which would you prefer?" She joked, hiding her grin from everyone else.

"Fine," the man sighed. Darcy enjoyed how easy it was to rile the man up. Everyone else was too scared of the man to do anything but follow orders. Darcy was never one to just listen and take direction, no questions asked. No, siree. She liked to think that Director Fury appreciated that. She made him - like she made everyone else, really - feel like they were normal. Or at least remind them why they did what they did.

"I need to borrow the team." She was always candid with the man, straight to the point after the initial joking was out of the way. Probably another reason she was his favorite. She didn't do ulterior motives and secrecy. If she wanted something, you knew.

"Why? And how long?"

"Well, to help take out a mole in the CIA? I don't know if you'd call him a mole though. More like a bad apple in the CIA. And for as long as it takes, serious threats to the country permitting."

After a minute to consider, which Darcy knew was only for show, he replied, "If Stark bankrolls, then sure."

"Thanks," Darcy said into the phone, managing to let the word out before being hung up on.

"Fury give you the okay?" Nat asked, having ended the interrogation.

"Of course." Darcy smiled. Clint kissed her on the cheek, realizing that the two women wanted to talk alone, gave Darcy's hand a final squeeze and then walked over to talk with the Losers and his team.

"You did good."

Darcy liked it when that happened. Pleasing Natasha was always a tall order, and for the spy to voice her pride out loud, well, Darcy was going to remember this moment _forever_.

"A little sloppy. But you used what you could. You'll need to learn how to get out of cuffs for the future."

"Can I just never be kidnapped again?" Darcy whined, because seriously, this was all fine and dandy. But she figured that was a whole once in a lifetime deal. Sort of like the whole "get out of jail free" card. Darcy had just used the "have a decent kidnapping" card, and didn't want to get stuck in a situation without it in the future. "I'm sure next time, you guys would find me looking a lot worse."

"That is why we train."

She didn't know how Natasha could say such things with such a straight, serious face. Darcy chewed on her lip in worry, wondering if she'd ever be so nonplussed about hostage situations that she could be as expressionless as her mentor.

"Fine," Darcy sighed. The corner of Nat's lips lifted and her eyes crinkled, which was Natasha for a grin. Sometimes, Darcy thought the spy kept her around because she was so amusing, and if that was the case, she made sure to always be amusing.

With a pat on the shoulder, Nat left Darcy to speak with everyone else. Steve was quick to take the woman's place and pull Darcy into a tight hug.

"I missed you, too." Darcy rubbed the soldier on the back.

"We were all worried," he said, pulling back. Just like Clint, he kept touching her to prove to himself she was alive and fine.

"Eh." She shrugged. "I knew I'd be fine. I'm only best friends with superheroes, you know."

She giggled as Steve sighed exasperatedly.

"So grandkids?"

"Oh man, no. Worse!" She clapped her hands excitedly, because seriously, Darcy _loved_ kids. Sadly, in her line of work, and her friends' line of work, no one had any. But now. There was a little girl to spoil. "Jensen has a niece."

"I'm a great-grandfather?" He croaked.

"Yup." Her lips popped on the p. "She's not a baby though. Sadly."

"Sadly?" His eyes were wide, like he was still trying to fully comprehend what Darcy was saying.

"Babies are cute!"

"Should Clint be worried?" Tony asked, stepping between Darcy and Steve. He gave her a half-hug, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "We're both in London."

"That we are, Mr. Obvious."

"What did we say would happen if we were both in London."

It took a moment for Darcy to catch up, but when she did, she squealed and threw herself into Tony's arms. "Pub crawl!"

"Pub crawl."

* * *

"Shouldn't you be worried?" Jensen asked Clint.

Clint, whose eyes hadn't left Darcy, always keeping her in at least his peripheral vision. "Stark is a perpetual flirt, but she wouldn't leave me for him."

"What about my granddad?"

"He's _Captain America_."

"So?" Pooch joined the conversation, also looking at the group huddled in the corner. Darcy was broadly grinning.

"Steve is probably the best man I've ever met. He'd never encroach on another man's girl. And their best friends. What kind of a boyfriend would I be, if I got between that?"

"Normal," Clay joked.

Shrugging, Clint turned his attention back to his one-time CO. "So, we're going up against the CIA?"

"Have a problem with that?"

"Not at all."

"Darcy said you wouldn't."

"She's right." Clint turned back to Darcy who was now skipping (literally skipping) over to him. Spreading his arms, he wrapped them around her as she held him around his waist.

"Tony and I are going out."

"Oh?" He arched a brow at her. Over her head, he could see the incredulous look of the Losers. "Just the two of you? You think that wise?"

"Well, the people who kidnapped me are here." She pouted up at him, giving him the look he (and pretty much everyone who knew her) couldn't say no to. "We'll bring Pooch."

"Me?" Pointing towards himself, he asked, "Why would you pick me?"

"I sense the snark level in you would rival Tony's. It'd make for good times. Plus, you seem to be the most responsible in the group."

"They'll need a responsible one," Clint mused. "Tony and Darcy drinking tends to get wild. Especially when on their own."

"Oh, remember when we were in Monte Carlo?" With her head resting on Clint's shoulder, she looked over at Tony, chuckling.

"It wasn't as good as Tokyo."

"Or Vegas."

"Do I really want to join them?" Pooch didn't look too keen on the idea, but Clint knew that someone had to accompany them.

"Steve usually goes with them, but it looks like he's working with Nat."

"They're working with Dread Pirate Roberts to get your families to the Tower for their safety."

"Jolene and my son?"

"My sister? Maggie?" Jensen's ears perked up as he stood to join them. Clint was amused at how he hovered over Tasha. That would be interesting to watch. His partner would never go for the man, but he could see her messing with him. That is, until Steve stepped in to protect his grandson. And wasn't that just weird?

"Yeah. So Pooch, you down for a pub crawl with us?"

"I guess I have to?" He stood up, glancing between Clay, Clint, and Cougar, probably hoping one of them would save him. The two other men shook their heads while Clint snickered.

* * *

They were at their second pub, four beers in, and Pooch was the only one who showed any sign of having been drinking. Tony was hardly buzzed and Darcy was just pleasantly tipsy.

"So you're telling me." Tony gestured wildly with his hands, nearly knocking over Darcy's pint. She frowned at the man, cradling her drink closer to herself. "That you guys _hijacked a helicopter_."

"Yeah." Pooch looked very proud of himself.

"From the United States Military?"

"Yeah."

Raising his glass, he appraised the man. "I'm going to like you guys."

"Told you!" Darcy pointed at the man, holding out an opened hand to him. When he gave her a fiver, she fist pumped.

"So our families are going to be living with you? Is that going to be safe?"

"Its a tower full of superheroes. They'll be fine as long as they don't get mistaken for someone else while at the airport," she teased, nursing her drink.

"How you guys mixed up Darcy with this Max dude, I'll never know."

"It was more, she was already knocked out, and we wanted to know why Aisha sent us after her."

"Do you think she only meant for you guys to get caught? Or she had other reasons for ensuring it was me that was your target?" Darcy asked, because, that was a new thought. At first, she figured getting the Losers in trouble with the Avengers and SHIELD was a great way to take them out. But she could have easily framed them for something else with any other American organization. "Like, why me?"

"You know, there's a thought." Tony mused, gulping down his drink.

Darcy followed his lead, and tipped over Pooch's glass as he sipped at his, forcing him to down it in one pull. Once finished, she wiped her mouth and stood. "We should probably head back and mention this," she slurred, vision getting blurry.

Darcy was confused, it was only her fourth drink, she shouldn't be slurring until at least her seventh. And blurry vision typically wouldn't happen until at least her ninth. She pulled off her glasses, wiped them with her shirt and put them back on. Still blurry. Just about to mention something to her two drinking buddies, she noted that Pooch was slouching in his chair, mouth agape. Tony's head rested on his arms, on the table.

"Wha-"

"Nighty, night." A female voice said into Darcy's ears just before her eyes slid shut. The last thought going through Darcy's mind was that this just wasn't her week, and she hoped she would get the chance to slap this bitch.


End file.
